Damn. Things did not go how I had hoped.

We (Matt, the kids and I) arrived in Honolulu late Friday night. Luckily travel went well and we had no issues getting here. The time change was tough though, it’s a 4 hour difference.

On Saturday morning we woke up and went to the expo at 9am. It was a large event. This race has no limit to the registrants and ended up with around 42,000 runners, making it the largest ever.

The expo was a decent size. I got some cool merch, including a towel with all the pre-registered runners names on it, as well as the very last hoody. I love hoody’s- definitely my favorite clothing item.

They had a name wall and a cheer wall, both were nice touches.

I was really excited to get my bib. They gave me the number 5050 because it was my 50th state out of my 50 state journey. I thought this was awesome and such a special touch!

After the expo we decided to get some beach/pool time in and just relax before the big day. We went out for dinner and planned logistics. I was staying at a hotel 1.5 miles from the start line so pre booked a Lyft for the morning to save my legs. Andrea was close to the finish line and they had a bus to get her to the start.

Morning came bright and early. I set my alarm for 3:30am as I had to meet my Lyft at 4:15am. Well unfortunately the driver cancelled. I tried to get an Uber but couldn’t find one. I decided to walk (because the race started at 5am) and I didn’t want to miss the start. Unfortunately for me, it started pouring.

I grabbed a trash bag from the helpful person at the front desk, made a stylish poncho, and started trudging.

I arrived with about 15 mins to spare, but it was insane. I couldn’t find my sister, nor get to my assigned starting corral, as there were too many people.

I wasn’t able to start running until around 5:25am and it was so congested. They have the marathon and the 10k start at the same time and a lot of runners didn’t really follow running etiquette (like if you’re going slower or walking, move to the right) so it made it really hard for me to get my pace going.

Other than that, the first five miles went well and Matt and Bond were waiting for me at mile 5 with dry socks which was amazing! Wet feet during a long race is brutal, it tears them up.

One I changed socks I kept going until mile 8 when I started to not feel great. I took in some nutrition and water hoping that would help.

By mile 11 I knew I was in trouble and had to pull over and got ill. I vomited three times and just stood off to the side for a bit considering my options.

I wanted to quit so, SO bad. I felt awful and it was hot and so humid – 75 degrees and 81% humidity. I don’t know about anyone else but when I’m nauseous, feeling warm makes it so much worse.

It felt daunting to continue but I told myself I hadn’t come this far (literally and figuratively) to only get to mile 11. So I started walking, trying to take it one mile at a time.

I had to stop again and got sick at miles 15 and 18 and in total vomited 8 times. By then there was nothing left in my system and I was very dehydrated. I stopped by several medical tents to try and get anti-nausea medicine but they had no medication whatsoever (WTF!). So I got bags of ice at every med tent and as it melted, drank the ice cold water, trying to rehydrate and keep myself going. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, with a couple sit down breaks on the side of the road, and asking God to keep it overcast.

For the most part my prayers were answered. I was climbing the hill at mile 24 and it stayed torrentially down pouring. We got 2 inches of rain quickly and the roads flooded. I was completely soaked at that point. I have now learned to be more specific with my prayers 🤣. Still, better than the heat.

I finally finished. I don’t know that I can properly express how much it sucked, and the emotional swings I went through. I wanted this race to be a crowning achievement, a highlight to the end of my journey, and instead I felt ashamed by how long it took me (7.5 hours, my slowest marathon by a long shot), and so frustrated with how the day went, plus I still felt physically awful. I had properly trained, felt mentally strong, and was proud of my hard work. Things just didn’t go as planned. Andrea was the first person I saw after I crossed the line and she hugged me and I immediately started crying.

I struggle sharing all of this because it’s pretty vulnerable, but I named this blog honestrunning, so I’ve got to keep with the original intentions and it is what it is.

I gave myself the rest of the day to feel all the feelings. Now I’ve got to move on.

Today I’m feeling better physically and emotionally. It wasn’t the day I had hoped for, but I don’t want that to minimize what I’ve achieved. I’ve been working on this goal since March 2017, so 9 years. And I did it! I’ve got a lot to reflect on, and I hope that with a little more time, I can lose the bad feelings and just focus on the good. I hope that I’ve taught my children that mental strength is a skill that you should constantly be honing, as life WILL get hard and WILL throw obstacles in your way that you’ll have to overcome. I hope that I’ve made my family and friends proud. I hope that I’ve inspired people to try new things, do hard things, and push themselves when life gets challenging.

I’ll likely do a recap of this whole journey at some point, but for now…I just want to say thank you to all who have supported me. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I couldn’t have done this alone.